Cops situation features bad girl
by Mary Barrera, Editor-In-Chief

    Those television fans who have watched the show Cops surely wonder if people with such poor judgment truly exist.
    Well, they do. Beware: they walk among us.
    I was in bed late one night watching Baghdad get bombed when suddenly, bang, something crashed out front.
    I peered out the window and, much to my dismay, saw my SUV atop the once decorative fence in my front yard. Directly across the street was the car that had struck it, wheels spinning and sparks flying, trying to get away.
    After grabbing the phone to dial 911, I ran out, along with all my neighbors, to witness a classy display.
    A drunk woman, who lives down the street, climbed out of her wrecked vehicle and tossed her hair back, laughing as though she were the belle of the ball.
    Staggering around perhaps realizing she might be in trouble, she attempted to enlist the men on the scene with sexual favors to help her get away. She even exposed herself to various people just to seal the deal.
    (Apparently she drank herself into thinking she looked really attractive standing there, leaning against what was once the hood of her car.)
    After being turned down numerous times, the woman got angry and challenged her equally angry male passenger to a fistfight. He was bigger than she, but since he was bleeding from a possible head injury, I imagine she thought she could take him down.
    He staggered off down the street while neighbors were yelling at her to calm down. She tried to walk away as well, but my husband convinced her there was a man who was interested in hearing what she had to say.
    She perked up, straightened out her clothes and swaggered back to the interested party, heaving her hips back and forth as she walked (like sexy people do) until she reached him.
    When she realized the man was a police officer, she began bawling and flopped on the ground because she suddenly realized her legs and back were broken. It's amazing how some injuries can sneak up on a person.
    Needless to say, she went off to jail. I don't think she will be driving for awhile.
    The moral of the story: if you drink until you get completely smashed, don't go out. Stay indoors.
    Not only is it wise not to drive drunk, it could save you from humiliating yourself in front of a person with a camera.