New appendage unattractive
by Brian Wainstein, Editor-In-Chief

   There is no escape.
   They are everywhere, growing more powerful as each day passes, permeating our society.
   This latest scourge has infiltrated the very depths of our culture so much we take the agents of this invasion for granted.
   I remember the days when they first arrived. Awkward, clumsy things, barely able to keep pace with the changing needs of their hosts.
   But these parasites adapted, evolving into ever more complex forms, integrating, merging and turning what was once a status symbol into a necessity.
   At first, we were the masters. We decided when we used them and how.
   Now, we are slaves to their call, unable to resist their fascinating cries.
   I have one, sitting here beside me.
   And it costs me only $49.99 a month.
   Yeah, I got a pretty sweet deal on my cell phone. It calls long-distance from almost anywhere in the United States, barring reception difficulties.
   The new-fangled gizmo can even connect me to the Internet.
   Yes, yes, you may insert your “oohs” and “ahs” here now.
   I am no more immune to the cellular craze sweeping the world than any other tech geek.
   Of course, leaving the thing on can lead to some embarrassing circumstances: having one’s pocket start clucking like a chicken in class does not do much for one’s reputation.
   Nor are people amused by the noisy things ringing during movies or recitals. Even though it may cluck like a chicken.
   Newer phones these days come equipped with digital cameras to take pictures to send to other phones or to e-mail.
   Some phones come equipped with mp3 players now, so you can listen to all those mp3s you, er, copied from CDs at home, so you cold use them when on the road.
   Cellular functionality has been built into PDAs, allowing busy businessmen to stay connected on the road.
   And, yes, they can cluck like chickens.
   There seems to be no way to halt this cellular invasion, nor does it seem that it ever will stop with all the seemingly apparent benefits to the common man.
   Be wary. Stay informed. The phones are out there.
   Now if you will excuse me, I need to take this call.