Silence louder than words, speaker says
by Rebecca Romine, Reporter

   According to a NE counselor, only 7 percent of communication is verbal.
   Another 38 percent is tone, or how the words are said, and the remaining 55 percent are nonverbal aspects, such as posture, eyes and hands.
   In a recent speech on NE Campus, Sonja Butler, counselor, stressed to students that in order to be an effective communicator, they must find a natural balance between being over assertive, aggressive and controlling and being non-assertive and not being heard.
   “Silence speaks louder than words,” she said, when she pointed out characteristics of bad communication.
   Making demands and using silence, blame, put-downs, sarcasm, defensiveness and counterattacks are all examples of poor communication, Butler said.
   To help communicate better, Butler suggested “coming to terms with the real problem” by listening, paraphrasing the problem and then requesting change.
   The counselor used the statement “I feel this way; I want to see something different, and I’m calm enough” to stress that one must remain focused in order to effectively communicate to solve a problem.
   As Butler transitioned into motivation, she pointed out the first step to becoming motivated to achieve something.
   “Place a value on it and decide ‘how badly do I want this,’” she said.
   Prior to the speech, Butler prepared an attribution theory, a list of traits common to high and low achievers.
   High achievers, she said, usually approach rather than avoid tasks related to success, persist when the work gets hard rather than giving up, select challenges of moderate difficulty and work with a lot of energy.
   Low achievers, according to her chart, usually avoid success-related chores, quit when having difficulty, choose easy or very hard tasks to work and work with little drive or enthusiasm.
   Butler continued by pointing out some de-motivators.
   Among those de-motivators are lack of sleep; lack of a plan, to-do list or goals; unmotivated friends; lack of preparations or training; lack of support from friends; depressive illness; lack of confidence; procrastination and lack of accountability.
   “When facing de-motivators, students should tell themselves, ‘I have to know where I’m going to know when I get there,’” she said.
   To get back on the motivated track, Butler suggested students take courses of interest to them, know their learning style, set high but realistic goals, not compete with other students and ask the instructor what is needed to succeed in the class.
   Students should also look at the syllabus, she said, and complete the study questions at the end of each chapter or in the study guide.
   Butler closed with five statements students should learn to motivate themselves.
   “I am responsible; I can be in control; I have ability; I value learning, and I may deceive myself,” she said.
   For more information on communication or motivation, students can contact Butler at 817-515-6175 or visit her in the NE Campus counseling center in the Student Center.