Absurd laws emphasize U.S. stupidity
By Carlos Raigosa, editor-in-chief

     They say that no government is the best government. Well, no government is as moronic as the U.S. government, which has passed some laws that seem to have been written by a moonshine-induced group of absent-minded politicians.
     We’ll start off with our nation’s glory state of Arkansas. Bill could legally beat Hillary if his heart desired, but he can only do it once a month, according to state law. We all know who wears the pants in that family, so the Senator-to-be can rest safe; Bill poses no threat.
     Don’t even ask, but in Quitman, Ga., it is illegal for chickens to cross roads. Makes you wonder what they do with those that break the law, doesn’t it? The next time I bite down on my McChicken sandwich I’m going to wonder if I’m eating a multi-felon ex-con or just a simple misdemeanor law-breaking poultry.
     Those super scary zombies from the Night of the Living Dead are all committing a serious crime in Chicago, Ill. The law states, "People who are diseased, maimed, mutilated or deformed to the point of being ‘an unsightly or disgusting object’ are banned from going out in public." Talk about discrimination; they can have a nice class-action lawsuit with a little help from the ACLU.
     Don’t you hate it when you’re down to your last cigarette and your pet monkey, Ralph, is craving your smokes. Well, thanks to a local ordinance in South Bend, Ind., your monkey wouldn’t even dare take a puff because, hey you guessed it, it’s against the law.
     Next time you’re roaming the streets in the Lone Star state and dying of thirst and your only salvation is a dairy cow—that is willing to give you her milk—it is against the law to milk a cow that doesn’t belong to you. In Mesquite, it is illegal for children to have unusual haircuts. Apparently, this law hasn’t been enforced all too well; have you seen some of those kids?
     I have a whole list of these, but as you can see my space is cutting short, so if you have any odd laws that you’d like to share, just find my e-mail address at the bottom left of this page and let me know.
     And then they wonder why our prisons are overcrowded.