E-mail serves up spam sandwich of trivia
by Shannon Harrison, managing editor

    Do you read all of the e-mails you receive in one day? Do you ever wonder who has the time to compile some of the stuff that is sent?

   Just as I started to delete one message a relative sent, I stopped. It was labeled Weird Things You Would Never Know.

   The subject line didn’t really grab my attention, but the third item on the list did: “On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.”

   That’s scary. One hundred people out of the world’s population may not seem like very many, but 100 people who eat ballpoint pens is a huge number. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone eat a ballpoint pen, but I’m sure the people just had a pen in their mouths.

   Imagine the scenario: Someone is sitting in class next to you. Instead of taking notes, he is lazily chewing on the pen. Then the prof says something astounding. Low and behold, your classmate sucks in his breath in amazement. Down the throat goes the pen; down on the ground goes the classmate.

   My mother always warned me not to run with anything in my mouth. I guess mothers also should warn their children about not sitting with something in their mouths.

   Okay, once I was hooked by the murderous ballpoint, I had to read the remainder of the list. Most were ho-hum variety; “average life span of a major league baseball, 7 pitches.” Some were the duh type: “only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older” or “ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.”

   A couple contained information I didn’t want to know.

   “In ancient Egypt, priests plucked every hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.” Ouch! I get cold chills just thinking about that activity.

   One was an interesting bit of trivia. “The electric chair was invented by a dentist.” Why? The obvious answer would be another form of torture, which dentists are known for. (Note: That statement was not intended as a slam at dentists. I love mine. He’s gentle, funny, and nice and gives me gas for relaxation. A trip to my dentist is like a mini-vacation.)

   I would love to know how some of the information was discovered. For instance, who found out that “it’s possible to lead a cow upstairs, but not downstairs”? I don’t want that person to visit my house and bring his pets.

   And the person who learned that “a snail can sleep for three years” needs a new job. He has way too much free time on his hands.

   Now if my biology teacher will ask me if I know that “all polar bears are left handed,” “butterflies taste with their feet” and “a duck’s quack doesn’t echo,” my science grade might improve.

   But don’t ask me why the quack doesn’t echo because my e-mail message said nobody knows why.

   I guess some other person with lots of time on his hands can investigate that. Or maybe someone can apply for a federal grant to conduct the study. But that’s a different story.

   I guess I’ll just zap that message and get back to work.