Nurse challenges women to take control
by Laurie Mansfield, reporter

    Taking the time to care for oneself is the only way someone will be able to care for others, the South Campus coordinator for health services said last week.

   “We must be in right relationship with ourselves in order to be in right relationship with others,” Flo Stanton said.

   Stanton, campus nurse, spoke at the Health Forum, part of the Women in New Roles, a unique college credit program designed to assist women in the transition of returning to school.

   Stanton’s goal was to encourage women to become more effective individuals by helping them to balance their multiple roles.

   Stanton focused on role awareness and dealing with role conflicts to balance multiple roles.

   Stanton asked audience members to identify the many roles they play in their daily lives.

   After students named 10 different roles, including mother, wife, student and co-worker, Stanton pointed out that the students had not listed the most important role, the role of self.

   “Taking care of yourself is not selfish,” she said.
Far from being selfish, this concept is necessary to balance the multiple roles in students’ lives, Stanton said.

   She had her audience take a quick multiple roles assessment. Students ranked the top five roles in each of their lives.

   After assessing the total percentage of time given to each role, students created a pie chart that illustrated how the rank compared to the time spent in each role.

   “If there is a conflict between the order of importance of each role and the amount of time given to each role, then this will result in a role conflict,” she said.

   This role conflict will cause stress.

   Stress is a necessary and normal part of life, Stanton said. How people handle stress is what counts.

   “As mothers, you are teaching your children by how you handle stress,” she said.

   “Mothers as role models are not to be martyrs.”

   Stanton suggested several ways to deal with the stress of role conflicts.

   “Establish time frames or set limits. Take the first step to establish immediate, short-term and long-term time frames. For example, a short-term limit might be taking one class for one semester to ease into returning to college,” she said.

   Another element in dealing with role conflicts is letting go.

   “Women are notorious for control. Controlling doesn’t work,” she said.

   By accepting help from family members, women may have to accept different standards, Stanton said. For example, there are many ways to load a dishwasher, not just one person’s way.

   If family members help with chores, one should remember to thank them.

   To escape distractions at home, students may need to go to the library to study.

   Stanton said communication is important in dealing with role conflicts.

   She suggested a family calendar as a tool for families to schedule events.

   Stanton’s family lived by the family council method of communicating when she returned to school in an accelerated one-year program at UTA to earn her bachelor’s degree in nursing.

   They agreed to give her one year to achieve her goal while adjusting their expectations for that year.

   Learning to be flexible is another coping strategy for role conflicts.

   Having unrealistic expectations sets one up for disappointment, Stanton said.

   Realistic expectations are necessary for all people as well as for those around them, the nurse said.

   Stanton also encouraged the students to listen to the voice inside them.

   She said students should allow time to take care of themselves.

   “On occasion, sit down for a cup of coffee, go get a pedicure, do something just for yourself,” she said.

   As Stanton stressed throughout her presentation, if someone is right with herself, she can be right with others.